The Tree

Adam pulled at the fruit. It resisted, and his arm strained. Veins and everything. Then the tension gave, the stem broke, and Adam fell to the ground. The fruit was good. Really good.

-“I told you, Adam, that fruit is not something you want to mess with.”

-“Shit, God, what are you doing here? And where the hell are your clothes?”

God ignored the question. The little hairs on his thighs glowed yellow in the afternoon sun. Adam scooted over under the tree. It was getting hot.

Adam started again, “What could possibly be wrong with 'The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil'? Sounds like something you'd be all about.”

“Shit,” said God, “here it goes.”

-”It's been giving me all these ideas. I mean this is good shit. Primo. I've been thinking, why do the whole foraging thing? Plants come from seeds, you know.”

God looked like he might not be paying attention. He picked up a dandelion.

Adam went on.

-”So we get a bunch of seeds for something that grows real fast—not a tree, but something grassier, like wheat, or oats. We plant them all in the same place, and then we can run by and scrape them all up after they're grown, save a little bit of the seed, and eat the rest. It's foolproof. I mean God damn this 'garden.'”

-”As you wish.”

-”It'll take no time at all. I mean, it'll take a lot less time than walking around and looking up in trees for fruit.”

-”What will you do with that time?”

-”Well, I'm thinking the boys' wives could easily take care of the grass-food. They can divvy the food up between everyone, and the rest of us can do important things.”

-”Like what?”

-”Well, like making sure that everything's distributed right. I've got this whole system. We'll make these marks on a leaf.”

-”Fuck. . .  So you do realize, don't you, that you guys are going to have to hang out in the same place around that grass-food for your whole lives?”

-”Of course! That's one of the awesome things. I could spend two months making a really nice house and not have to tear it down. Hell, I could make a house out of stone. Why didn't you want us to know about good and evil, anyways? How were we going to make distinctions, you know, understand stuff?”

God smiled bittersweetly and picked up a squirrel.

Adam continued,

-”I'm actually thinking 'good' and 'evil' are rather simplistic. God. So much to think.”

-”Good luck with that. What's going to happen when you stop moving around so much and Eve starts getting her period every month?”

-”Period?”

-”Fuck.”

-”Look, I don't know about all that stuff, but I do know that things are going to be better.”

-”You'll work by the sweat of your brow.”

-”I know that.”

-”Her pains in labor will be increased.”

-“I'll figure that out. Give me time.”

God sighed, and smiled internally. This could be worked out. In time.

Adam frowned internally. His heart clenched. But he thought the same thing.




I'm starting a book on anthropology, anarchy, and spirituality. It won't all be dumb stories. Just half. The other half will be philosophical shit. Please subscribe to this blog's RSS feed if you're interested. Shit's gonna get biblical.